Then another sweets analogy which has nothing to do with marshmallows: sugar dates. They look nothing like marshmallows. Then another shift to a late-arriving spring which makes the left eye twitch for those of us living in the snow belt Erie, PA here. Then back to marshmallows. And, in the end, it gets stale pretty quickly. Next post: December 11 — Throw out the Christmas Wrapping.
Today, we focus on what is not only one of the worst Christmas songs every written, but could be perhaps one of the worst songs ever written. This number has it all: a poor kid, a grouchy shopper, a dying mother, and footwear. Everything we could possible ask for.
Of course by now you realize we are talking Cigarette Song - Various - Alalva (Be Aware): Corpus Christi Compilation (CD). I first heard the song a couple years later and, honest to God, thought it was a parody. Like an SNL parody. It has such a stellar level of craziness that I could not believe someone wrote and produced it as a serious song.
One year later, a book inspired the debut novel of the same name by Donna VanLiere. My opinion of this song is not unique. The opening contains a lot of exposition about the song. The gravelly-voiced narrator recalls being a last-minute Christmas shopper standing in line behind a young boy. Plus, if the family can afford the Brannock device, the kid can afford the shoes. You have to try on multiple pairs in order to get just the right fit. Image from The Christmas Shoes movie. And no one in the family stops him.
I know there are a lot of people who believe in a bodily resurrection and I am not here to debate the theology of that. But are you telling me that what we are wearing when we die will be our clothes for eternity?
And this cashier is nickel and diming the kid? Some how I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes. My spidey-sense is now tingling. On the one hand, it sounds a bit like a scam. On the other hand, John Quinones is on the back room watching the monitor.
And, if I do pay for the shoes, how much input do I have on which pair to buy — because neither of the two options shown above is cute…. So, I laid the money down. I just had to help him out. And this woman is dying. Like maybe tonight.
Dumbledore can make sure the shoes fit her properly. I knew that God had sent me that little boy to remind me what Christmas is all about. And then strategically place this kid with insufficient funds in line with of a grouchy shopper and a heartless cashier? Or A Charlie Brown Christmas? Linus does a pretty good job of reminding us what Christmas is all about — and no one needs to get cancer. I have no idea why it ends with a little girl when the song is clearly about a little boy.
Churchy people wonder why attendance has been on the decline. I present Exhibit A. How about helping this poor family? Making sure they have enough to eat? Perhaps connecting them with the proper social service agencies? Who would have ever thought a greeting to wish others well could become such a source of vitriol and disdain?
Some of the earliest documented uses of the phrase in retail advertising occurred over years ago in east coast cities. We have records of greeting cards bearing the phrase as early as The song first appeared on a Christmas album by Jo Stafford in InAndy Williams paired Happy Holiday with a song written by Kay Thompson of Eloise fame to create a medley we will discuss today.
We going to tackle…. When I think of the Christmas songbook, it falls into a category with numbers like Mele Kalikimaka and Mistletoe and Holly. Unfortunately, in putting together this medley, the producers made the leap that if less is more, more must be fantastic. Unfortunately, the number goes off the rails into absolute insanity pretty quickly. Something else that goes over-the-top are the warriors in the so-called War on Christmas. Can you imagine the war letters? Today, we claimed a major victory in the Battle of Starbucks.
Many Santa hats perished from dehydration after refusing to drink from holiday cups without pictures of the Jesus on them. Survivors were taken to the indoctrination center where they will be forced to burn Christmas trees confiscated from public schools and celebrate the Winter Solstice.
Their screams of persecution will haunt my memory forever. Tomorrow, we march on the Capitol to commandeer a contraband public nativity. I call barely even think about the alleged War on Christmas without my eyes rolling back so far that I can see my brain.
Christmas Day is a federal holiday. The Christmas holiday dominates the culture for two months of the year.
I think the best way to understand the sheer craziness of this song it to chart our emotions based on hearing it for the first time. Happy Holiday! May the calendar keep bringing Happy Holidays to you! Standard fare. We move into The Holiday Seasonwhich again starts as a typical jazzy Christmas song of the era. The Christmas snow is white on the ground.
When old Santa gets into town…. Hang it on the Christmas tree! And lots of goodies for you and me, So leave a peppermint stick for old St. HANG it on the Christmas tree! The repeat of the bridge starts to take the song off the rails. Andy Williams starts to emphasize key syllables in an odd way. We are off the chain and heading into Crazy Town. I think Andy is speaking in tongues. Blink twice if you want out, Andy! Happy HOLiday!
While the merry bells keep ringing, Happy Holiday to you! Previous post: December 6 — Time to take down the Mistletoe with shawty. Ah, Beiber. Remember him? Still dating Selena Gomez. The problem is the song is really bad. The music possesses a distinctive Jason Mraz quality to it which reminds you of In fact, it sounds so much like it was written for a Gilmore Girls Christmas episode, you half-expect Lorelai and Rory to pop into the crowd scenes.
The lyrics do not help help the song by any means. They are bubble gum trite and using descriptions one usually has to read a fourth grade essay to find.
This was the best someone could do. There were rough drafts for the lyrics that did not make the cut. And the person who lost became bitter because of it. The top three definitions for shawtyor shortyinclude…. The song presents multiple situations it which the Biebs beliebs he needs to decide between two activities:.
To quote the girl from the taco shell commercial, why not both, Biebs? None of the things we are talking about here i. Finally, these is an odd bridge in which the song seems to want to remember the reason for the season. Someone needs to check on the catechesis in Canadian churches. Call me jaded, but I Bieber finding a girl at a Christmas Mart to kiss under the mistletoe is a little less miraculous than the Magi following the the Star of Bethlehem.
Was anyone else weirded out by the kiss description in the same stanza as the Wise Men? I would not recommend rushing out to listen to it. Belieb me. Your Christmas can still be merry merry, shawty, without it.
In common parlance, people tend to refer to all Christmas music as Christmas Carols. The wide-spread use of the term in this manner has been reflected in its definition in Merriam-Webster. Christmas carol : a song sung during the Christmas season. I suspect some readers may feel reticent to criticize this Christmas carol based on the charitable circumstances surrounding its creation and release.
On the other hand, one needs to consider the piece independent of its context. Then, I believe you may agree just how truly horrible this song is; both the music and lyrics rate at a sub-par level. The irony of striking this song from the Christmas Songbook lies in its overwhelming success in Europe, Australia, and North America. Inthe record reached number one in 14 countries. Experts attribute its lower ranking in the US, where it peaked at number 13 on the Billboard Hot list, to lack of sufficient airplay.
On October 23,the BBC aired a news program on the Ethiopia famine by Michael Buerk which described the issue as being of biblical proportions with Ethiopians living in situations akin to Hell on Earth. The three of them agreed to meet for lunch the following Monday, November 5, where they decided to produce a charity record with all proceeds dedicated to alleviating hunger in Ethiopia.
Following a heavy promotional campaign. With such a successful endeavor, it may seem counter-intuitive to want to eliminate it from our Christmas playlist. The divisions are only intended to guide those who like one artist to [other artists] more similar first. In brief, according to Lyter: "Nick once described us as 'two-bit show promoters and a one-bit label.
Our release for Trophy Lungs last year was arranged via text messaging with their bassist Kelly, and most of that was just jokes. We like doing this, it's fun for us, so we just keep doing it.
Some people spend money on Magic cards or Colts games, we put out records. Next year: "In the next year, we are hoping to work with mostly local artists. One of our biggest concerns is encouraging local bands to get out on the road and tour!
Highlights from Berzerker Mode — Bum Poetry. Upcoming releases: new releases from Magnum Opus, Berzerker Mode. In brief, according to the Kinneys: "DurtiMyndz Entertainment loves hosting local hip—hop showcases and bringing national artists to the Indianapolis area. Over the past year we have brought some amazing artists and have had some really awesome shows.
Next year: "We plan to continue to host local and national showcases as well as get our artists out of state performances and get their music heard around the surrounding area. We're currently building a studio for recording as well. In brief, according to Craig: " Eonian Records is an American archive record label specializing in extremely rare and often never released hard rock and metal from the s and early s, with a keen attention to detail, high-quality re-mastering and kick-ass packaging.
Next year: " We get lots and lots of inquiries from collectors and audiophiles about vinyl albums, so we have listened. In brief, according to Weddle: "Family Vineyard is an artist-centric label based in Indianapolis. It was established in to release uncompromising and iconoclast visions from all corners of the globe.
Our motto is 'Newfangled and archival sounds aged to perfection. Family Vineyard occupy a particular corner of the music universe, serving up equal parts talent, ambition and pretension from people who don't shrink from the word 'artist' and who make honest, blood—leaking efforts to be worthy of the name.
Next year: "This year was a very quiet for Family Vineyard with only one album coming out. The visible inactivity was mostly due to extreme vinyl manufacturing catastrophes three planned released have been now been bumped in Next year will be the start of Family Vineyard's 15th year and I plan to not only release a slew of new music and reissues, but bump up local visibility and involvement.
In brief, according to Cheek: "We're trying to do our best with the time and resources that we have to share worthwhile music with the world in a fun and honest way.
Our releases have been all over the place but I think some common themes are Christmas, Starflyer 59, professional wrestling, comedy and a proud enjoyment of life here in Indiana.
I plan on doing Flannelgraph foreverso, to quote 'Nature Boy' Ric Flair, 'Whether you like it or you don't like it, learn to love it, because it's the best thing going today! Next year: "Hopefully we'll come up with some new ways to get the word out about the label. We have a small group of supporters who are very awesome, but I feel like there are still lots of people out there who would enjoy our releases if we could just do a better job of letting them know they exist.
In brief, according to Amrhein: "Mostly I'm broke; it's financial suicide at first, especially if you just dive in by yourself with no experience like an idiot. I get to say cool things like "I run a record label" That sounds really corny and lame to print I guess, but it's true. We will also be opening a music bar. Highlights from No releases yet this year; Gulcher is transitioning back to vinyl.
In brief, according to Richert: "Back in the mid-'70s, Gulcher was born in Bloomington, Indiana, as one of the earliest small independent labels and fanzines. Propelled to legendary status by the release of the first Gizmos EP, Gulcher championed the low-fi DIY revolution before it was even born. Most of the Gulcher releases were of the raw basic punk variety. The band was learning to play before your very eyes Inspired mistakes! Later releases were a bit varied stylistically, yet all stayed true to the DIY ethic that would begin to spread around the US in the earlys.
Part 1 of the Gulcher Story faded as the music moved away from the punk ethic that had started it. A few Gizmos songs had been bootlegged on punk compilations, and this was just the inspiration Gulcher needed to reissue the legendary Gizmos EPs.
Next year: Gulcher will be returning to its vinyl roots. In brief, according to Morris: "We're an independent music label dedicated to both the export and import of new music, art and tapes in the Midwest. We work with independent artists and musicians in hope of fostering their creative growth. Our hope is to continue to add to our in house collective of friends and artists by extending our network as far as we can.
Next year: "The big change we're pumped about adding vinyl to our list of formats of releasing music. Expect to see Headdress music in record stores across the US. In brief, according to Rogers: "It's a small—run cassette label of mostly Indiana artists, usually pretty weird ones, but we have more pop—leaning releases sometimes too.
I want artists to have complete control over what they do. The label exists to support them and show the outside world some of the music I think deserves more listeners. I guess it would also be considered a 'bandcamp' label, since that's our main internet presence. Next year: "I haven't planned on many changes, just doing as many releases as I can, and getting help when I can. I definitely don't make money from this. I always give the artists half the copies of their tape to sell or give away as they please, and I want it to stay that way.
In brief, according to Grant: "Houseplant started as a way to release our own music, since Erin and I are both musicians. At some point we realized we'd be making music forever, so we might as well create a platform that would exist alongside of us, for better or for worse. We very quickly came across friends who were in similar positions, that is to say they were making records and didn't have anyone to release them.
Maybe they were too unknown or too landlocked to get picked up [by] the Cigarette Song - Various - Alalva (Be Aware): Corpus Christi Compilation (CD) punk labels, but still had the drive to tour and push the music on their own.
We take a lot of pride in each release and make sure that the look and sound are high-quality. Next year: "It's hard to say. We've been making it up as we go along for seven years now. Every year I say we're gonna do more than the previous year, but at some point I don't think it's up to us. It's just whatever happens, happens. Rather than have a goal to release 20 records a year, I'd rather strive to to still be releasing records in 20 years.
Founded: by Brian J. Monday and Kevin Spellman. In brief, according to the label: "Terry, Brian, and Kevin were the management team for the Indianapolis band Wonderdrug. The debut record from Wonderdrug, Hi! The label was founded on the principles of allowing artists creative control and releasing music that partners were passionate about. Indie Records is also not bound to any specific genre of music. We have released product on virtually all formats.
Next year: "We plan on presenting a series of live showcases throughout the year featuring our artists. The first showcase will take place at Barrio, the night before Thanksgiving, featuring Monofiction. Formats: vinyl, lathe cuts, flexi-discs, digital, cassettes, CD. In brief, according to Hofstetter: " We are purveyors of interesting media for a variety of artistically honest, exploratory and often haphazard musicians. We're not your standard noise or experimental label; nor are we interested in typical indie rock.
We do however love when these two sides of the spectrum intersect in interesting ways. And we gravitate towards artists who, in one way or another, bridge this gap between pop and noise.
Next year: "We are expanding our VIP Membership and subscriptions to offer more unique and limited releases for the super fans. We like creating a special experience for fans, and bridging the gap between them and the artists they love.
Highlights fromaccording to Mather and Schwab: "We love all of our releases as if they were our little babies! Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they cry, but we still love them no matter what, even when they wake us up at 3 a. In brief: "We're the soundtrack to that time you were on your couch in your living room and really wanted some cheese puffs, but they were in the kitchen and you didn't want to get up and get them. We release music to coincide with situations like that. Hopefully it gives them some motivation to get up and get some cheese puffs, cause cheese puffs rule so much.
Our objective with Jurassic Pop is to showcase as much new and interesting Midwestern music as we can. Right up until we bankrupt ourselves. Next year: "We've got a lot of new bands, and hopefully we'll be able reach out to a bigger base of people than ever before.
Memory Map discography double tape. In brief, according to Shaw: "Let's Pretend Records is a label that releases records based off of friendships and inspiring interactions with people in the artistic community. My goal is to put out a consistent quality of rock 'n roll on an only analogue format with like-minded people that also hold a strong DIY moral to what they do. In brief, according to Brown: "Audio Recon founded in has died down and I have started releasing album under the Lost Cult brand, which speaks to the direction I have gone.
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